By Elizabeth Prata
SYNOPSIS
I discuss the significance of motherhood within a Christian context, emphasizing its value as a career choice and a blessing. I mention influential mothers in history who impacted their children spiritually. The message underscores the responsibility of parents to teach their children about faith and virtue in today’s world. I promote and encourage Biblical parenting.
Continue reading “The Value of Staying Home: Embracing Motherhood”By Elizabeth Prata
SYNOPSIS
In this essay I reflect on the complexities of motherhood, highlighting both the ideal, and the painful realities some experience, particularly with non-believing mothers whose beliefs contradict their actions. Sunny Shell offers compassion and encouragement, while Dayspring McLeod discusses biblical infertility, emphasizing it as a chance for God’s transformative work, urging faith amid challenges.
Continue reading “Two Mother’s Day essays for those women struggling with Mother’s Day”By Elizabeth Prata
Yesterday in part 1 I looked at the problem: how the images and life-lessons of many celebrity self-identified Christian women tout a feminist lifestyle, often in the process neglecting their biblical duty as mother. I named names and offered their own words. No, these women don’t say they live like feminists, but their actions show that they have willingly or unwittingly adopted that philosophy of womanhood, including mothering.
The problem with celebrity in Christian circles is the same as celebrity everywhere: that’s the image you’re going to see most often. Christian moms don’t see the real model of biblical motherhood as often because they are at home, working. These celebrity-feminist living women are on television, portrayed in media interviews, talk shows…they write books, they speak at conferences, they publish devotionals and Bible lessons etc, so the images of motherhood we see and we hear from them are ones of distortion. At the least, it’s confusion. Christian women read what their role is in the Bible, then see what seems to be many women identifying as Christian going off on social justice projects in Africa, traveling across the country on media interviews, using day care and nannies so they can write at home… about being a mom, all without note or rebuke from elder men of the faith. By default it seems that that kind of CEO-busy-mom lifestyle is accepted. It’s confusing for women. It’s discouraging, too.
I was raised by a divorced, feminist mother during Second Wave Feminism sweeping the country in the 60s and 70s. I was told that women could and should go into the public spheres of work and career if they wanted to, and to go as high as they desired according to their desires and skills.
My goal prior to my conversion, was to be a teacher and a wife. I wanted to help children, then arrive home before my husband and make a nice homelife for him, and do the same during the summer when school was out of session. I was mocked by feminists for wanting to orient my life at home. For wanting this lifestyle, I was discouraged, bullied, and dismissed as a ninny.
So I have a bit of an idea of what it is like for Christian wives and mothers who declare their intent to stay at home, raise their children, and live a godly life according to the Bible (which includes society’s hated word “submission”.)
So what IS biblical motherhood, not according to the Christian celebrity culture, but according to the Bible?
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:4-5).
Eve acknowledged that children are from the LORD, He gives that gift to women.
Now the man had relations with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain, and she said, “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the LORD.” (Genesis 4:1)
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. (Psalm 127:3-4).
Why do so many women accept gifts from God such as the fruit of the Spirit, or their prosperity, or their physical home, with joy and in gratitude and due obedience to shepherd them well, but fail to do the same with their children? It should not be so. Therefore:
It’s hard to be a mom. It takes skill, wisdom, patience, hard work, mental energy, persistence, and so much more. CEO’s managing several hundred employees multi-task daily chores, balance a complicated schedule, budget the company’s funds, and train the staff. Moms do the same. Motherhood is the most demanding job on the planet. Kings have a slew of counselors, Presidents have their Cabinet, CEO’s have their staff, but a mom mainly works at home alone all day. Her husband helps, but mainly it’s a thankless and lonely job- only noticed if she fails. Therefore:
“My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:2, NASB).
A Christian mom knows that what she says is important, but what she does is equally as important. Children watch like hawks and know hypocrisy when they see it. Their minds are patterned after what they absorb, part of which is what they see mom and dad doing. Children watch parents so moms must live what she says. She is a model, from which a child can learn by watching the most important people in the world to them live a life of of Godly living. (Deuteronomy 4:9, Proverbs 11:3; Psalm 37:18, 37; Philippians 4:6-7).
To that end, a Christian mom is submissive to her husband. The numerous verses about this fact gives some idea of the import God lays on this concept of submission. (Ephesians 5:22, 24; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1, 5). The husband is the leader of the home. The husband and wife complement each other in their roles. It works because it is designed by God. Therefore:
By the way, I thought this was funny:
A submissive wife is a call to arms in today’s society. It is an act of war even to say the word. The world hates it. Since the Christian church has been infiltrated by so much of the world, many Christian moms who desire to follow the biblical model for marriage and parenting will receive opposition to both the word and the act of submission. Prepare for it. This is where your warrior princess comes into play. Yes, you are a warrior princess, but not the sword-wielding boisterous woman striding the world, slaying dragons and forming companies. It is an act of courage against satan & his world to withstand his temptations to be assertive/domineering.
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18).
A Christian wife/mom loves her husband. You might notice I’ve written a lot so far about how a Christian mom operates according to the Bible but nothing about children yet. This might seem counterintuitive, but it’s actually the proper order. Number 1 & 2 dealt with the Christian wife/mom’s identity in Christ. She acknowledges him as primary in her life and relies on Him for all. Then we moved to #3, the husband/marriage. A Christian mom is a wife before she is a mom. It is her early days of marriage where she learns submission. Yet in submission, a Christian wife/mom never loses her identity (something the world threatens us with when we use the dreaded s-word). She remains a daughter of the King, a child of God always. Her identity is secure, no matter what.
So a Christian mom loves her husband. This sometimes is a tough one. The people we are closest to are the ones we tend to be most aggravated by or feel it’s easy to correct. Familiarity breeds contempt is a secular proverb meaning “extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect for them or it.” Also, “People do not respect someone they know well enough to know his or her faults.” There is no one a wife or mom will be more familiar with than the man with whom she shares a bed.
So often she will begin to lose respect for him, and the familiarity if their intimate relationship will allow her to feel free to criticize or nag. Children easily pick up on atmospheres of tension, resentment, and discord. A Christian mom is responsible for creating an atmosphere of security, love, and harmony.
A song of ascents. Of David.
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe. (Psalm 133:1-2)
Don’t nag. Love is a choice. If loving one’s husband is such a given, why does the Bible have to say it so often? If loving one’s husband is so easy, why are elder women commanded to “train” the younger women to love their husbands? (1 Peter 4:8; Ephesians 4:2-3; Titus 2:4). It’s hard to love him sometimes. Therefore,
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
Spending time with your children is so important. Helping them walk, reading to them, playing peek-a-boo, watching their sports games, working on a school project together…these are the things that children long for, need, and remember. It’s basic that spending time with the children plural and one-on-one time with them offers opportunities for teachable moments. It gives them self-esteem, creates family unity, and is a marker of love. You spend time with those you love. Children are a joy.
Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. (John 16:21)
He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 113:9)
I’m not speaking of homeschooling. That’s a choice each parental couple makes. I’m speaking of educating the children in the Lord.
Stay at home mothering is cumulative. You don’t see the effects until the child is grown, and sometimes not even until after then. You build a widget, you see a widget. You raise a child, and it might take 20 years to see what unfolds in his or her character once for all.
It is here, in the spiritual realms,mothers have a tremendous impact, especially on their sons.
In his series Christian Men and their Godly Moms, Tim Challies wrote:
It may surprise us, though, to learn how many of our Christian heroes were shaped by the attentiveness and godliness of their mothers. Even though they may have had fathers who were present, involved, and godly, still they would insist that their primary spiritual influencer had been their mother. One of history’s greatest preachers would say with affection, “I am sure that, in my early youth, no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother,” while one of its most committed evangelists would say, “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.” An eminent theologian would state, “To our mother, my brother and myself, under God, owe absolutely everything.”
A great defender of the faith would write about an overwhelming moment of doubt, then relate how he found deliverance: “My mother [spoke to me] in those dark hours when the lamp burned dim, when I thought that faith was gone and shipwreck had been made of my soul. ‘Christ,’ she used to say, ‘keeps firmer hold on us than we keep on him’.”
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
It is so counter-cultural today for a mother to orient her life primarily toward her husband and children, that author and podcaster Rachel Jankovic created a webinar titled “Motherhood: A Call to Arms“. The webinar is described thus:
As mothers who seek to honor the Lord in our callings, it is important for us to be thoughtful and clear headed about our ultimate goal: raising men and women who love the Lord.
A good understanding of how God uses mothers who fear Him will help equip us to cheerfully accomplish our daily work, keeping our eyes on the goal. Without a big vision for our work we can become lost in the details, losing perspective and becoming vulnerable to all kinds of discouragement.
In this webinar we are going to look at what Scripture has to say about us, our work, and children, and we will talk about how we can practically apply those things in our everyday dealings with our future men and future women.
She titled her webinar in military language because she believes that motherhood is on the offensive. Normally when we read about motherhood it’s phrased in sentimental language urging peaceful harmony. Jankovic’s language is deliberately military.
Parents, especially mothers, “You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, training them up in God’s fear, minding the house, and making your household a church for God as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the LORD of Hosts!” ~Charles Spurgeon
She said, “Christianity in recent years has been dominated by a sentimental approach to motherhood.” We see constant scriptures with hazy fields of flowers and calling everything precious. “Motherhood is not like that. Motherhood is real.” She believes women need to know both the reality of motherhood and the joy.
From the mouth of infants and nursing babes
You have established strength
Because of Your adversaries,
To make the enemy and the revengeful cease
(Psalm 8:2), (commentary here)
Jankovic said, “We have been taught …the culture has worked very hard to make us believe that ’empowered women’ are women who have somehow risen above their own fertility. The world’s women are so desperate to teach us that if you have detached yourself – no matter the means – [abortion] from your own fertility, that you have a better shot at being your own true self, and I would say, your most valuable self.”
Motherhood is important because as Rachel Jankovic’s husband said, ” ‘This is the only work you’re doing that will last forever- is those children.’ It’s true. Nothing else I will ever do is eternal.”
Christian moms, your children are your contribution to God’s Kingdom.
———————————–
Many Christian Celebrity Moms are Distorting Biblical Motherhood; Part 1
———————————–
For further reading
Tim Challies: Christian Men and their Godly Moms (entire series)
John MacArthur: God’s High Calling for Women (topical series)
John MacArthur: God’s High Calling for Women (study guides)
Answers in Genesis: The Role of a Godly Mom
Compelling Truth: What Should a Christian Mother be like According to the Bible?
By Elizabeth Prata
This part one will present the problem. Part two discusses the biblical correction/solution.
“She lived and labored for her boys and her husband. At home she was a wife and mother and a model of what each should be. She taught the Bible to her sons and pleaded with them to turn to Christ. Thomas traced his early conversion to her pleading and her example.”
~Thomas Spurgeon’s memory of his mother Susannah, wife to preacher Charles Spurgeon.
Images and PR (public relations) matter. Ask the advertising, marketing, and PR industry why they spend so much money on it every year. The images and concepts they perpetuate onto the consuming public are important because those are the images and concepts they want people to adopt. The constant barrage of them, they hope, will cause a shift in their target audience’s perception of reality.
Even unintentional PR causes a shift in reality. If images and concepts are constant enough, eventually the mind begins to accept them as real.
Second-Wave Feminism emerged in the secular culture from roughly the mid-1960s to the mid-1980s. Since the Christian world is slower to adopt secular fads, the last twenty years or so in Christian world has followed suit with its own version of feminism. One reason this distortion has occurred is partly because of Christian(ish) female celebrities living and touting a life of motherhood that’s far from the biblical model, all the while claiming it is.
Eventually, the distortion became the reality in Christian circles, at least for many. Others who are more discerning became confused nonetheless.
These women write Bible “lessons” that sell by the millions. They write devotionals that women clamor for. They appear on television and social media, teaching and touting the ‘have it all’ life. They write books. They’re active in churches as speakers.
Here are a few examples of these women who claim to be Christian and to put their motherhood first as the Bible commends, but don’t. They include Beth Moore, Rachel Hollis, Raechel Myers, Diana Stone, and Joanna Gaines. I’d like for you to get a true sense of how repugnant these lives are by carefully reading their words and seeing their deeds. I also offer them as proofs you can use to contrast the lives of these celebrity Christian (ish) mothers and what the Bible calls mothers to be in the eyes of Jesus.
1. Beth Moore
Beth Moore said to Christianity Today in 2010 that her man demanded a regular home life, so she only travels every other Friday and comes right back home the next day.
“We walk the dogs together and eat out together all the time and lie on the floor with pillows and watch TV,” Moore says. “My man demanded attention and he got it, and my man demanded a normal home life and he got it.”
That’s nice. But it’s disingenuous in the extreme. The reality is that when I researched her schedule (in 2012), Mrs Moore was gone from home at least 20 weekends per year on her Living Proof tours- which usually occur on the weekends. On top of that, Mrs Moore taped sessions for her weekly show on the Life Today (these days, she has her own show), she travels for weeks on book tours, travels or tapes sessions for interviews, spends extended private time for weeks in a cabin by herself in Wyoming to write (as stated in the preface to “When Godly People Do Ungodly Things”). She is the President of her own company that in 2011 brought in 4.1 million dollars, with an excess after expenses of 1.3M. Her tax forms say that she spends 50 hours per week working for Living Proof.
And she did all this when she was raising younger children. A ‘normal home life’? Hardly.
In fact, my contention was confirmed and vindicated several years after writing that essay when the magazine The Atlantic quoted both Moore children (adults now) as saying when they were growing up “they ate a lot of takeout”. The article also stated that “Though she often performs domestic femininity for her audience, in her own life she has balanced motherhood with demanding professional ambitions. … Moore has never cared much for the delicate norms of Christian femininity. Her days are tightly scheduled and obsessively focused on writing.”
2. Diana Stone
Diana Stone formerly wrote for the website She Reads Truth, developing female-oriented Bible devotionals for social media, as well as writing for the Huffington Post, New York Times, and other print and social media platforms. We read in Diana Stone’s bio that, “You can find her in the mornings with a cup of coffee and her Bible flung open, preparing for the day ahead.” Awww, admirable! “With a sweet daughter in tow, Diana clings to God’s Word daily.”
Mrs Stone relaxes with the Bible “flung open” … after she drops her daughter to daycare.
At the time of the writing, in 2014, for the past two and a half years, the couple had employed a part time nanny care for their daughter in their home so Mrs Stone could work as a freelance writer. After bumping along with several nannies, they eventually decided to put their child in daycare so Mrs Stone could continue to write at home.
“There’s a constant tug on me to be in both worlds 100%. Work should come first. Life should come first. What is a priority? Who gets my time that day – and is choosing one over the other wrong? When I’ve committed to being a mama and being paid to write, both need my top priority.” Source
First of all, there should be no distinction between “life” and “work.” Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”
Secondly, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. (Psalm 127:3).
Thirdly, you commit to the children, to being a mother. If committing to work that causes you to wonder “who should get your time that day”, you’re doing biblical mothering wrong.
Mrs Stone’s mothering got in the way of writing about being a mom, so the mothering was outsourced.
3. Raechel Myers
Raechel Myers is founder of She Reads Truth, a Bible devotional social media company. She identifies herself also as a sewist, writer, photographer, designer, author, CEO of a Limited Liability Company, Conference Fundraiser, Conference speaker, and world traveling Justice Activist. Oh, and mom. And wife.
In addition to her work at She Reads Truth, Myers makes trips to Africa to help women develop self-sustaining micro-economies. In an Instagram photo Raechel Myers published, her two young children are perched on a chair and on a table watching a laptop playing a video of their mother being interviewed at If:Gathering, with this caption,
“My husband just texted me this photo of the kids watching our @shereadstruth interview at the @ifgathering. Seeing my baby girl perched on the table watching her mommy talk about her Jesus- so blessed!!!!”
Perching your children on a table while daddy babysits so they can see you talking about Jesus to others through a screen is definitely not biblical motherhood. Another CEO-mother with divided time and loyalties.
4. Rachel Hollis
Rachel Hollis is an author, CEO of her event-planning company, speaker, social media darling, television broadcast guest commentator, podcaster, conference producer, and has been dubbed as a “motivational powerhouse for women.” She has four children. Here is her bio:
I’m Rachel Hollis, a proud working mama with four kids and an ultra hunky husband. I worship coffee like a deity, I read books like my life depends on it and think vodka with La Croix is one of the greatest inventions of the last decade. When it comes to women, there always seems to be a question about how we can balance everything. Girl, I don’t even try!
I’ve got four kids (one of which is the gorgeous queen I’m holding above) and whether I’m at home with them or at Chic HQ with the team, life is never calm and balanced. Instead, I embrace my chaos and seek only to feel centered amongst the flurry. The babies and housework and spreadsheets and meetings and 5th birthday parties to plan, along with a million other things that might overwhelm me? They are just a list of my many, many blessings.
Did you get all that? Read it carefully. Her opening lines referred to worshiping coffee as a deity and drinking Vodka. Her life is so busy she can’t prioritize her children or figure out a way to balance all her work outside the home with her kids, so she doesn’t even try. Her life, according to her, is chaos, a flurry, overwhelming, never calm, and unbalanced. Kids love lives like that. Sadly, this is the norm that’s being presented to Christian women as motherhood: Happy-go-lucky chaos with the kids coming in last.
Joanna Gaines is a television personality and co-star along with her husband of Fixer Upper, which a few months ago just ended a five-year broadcast run. Joanna maintains she is a mom first, stating at every opportunity possible that they remained committed to filming in Waco only because they wanted to be near their young children since the couple is dedicated to parenting first. Family first. etc and ad nauseum.
However, that is patently not so.
What they’ve got going is-
–a television show,
–home renovations,
–a realty office with employees,
–4,000-square-foot store with 140 employees,
–two vacation rental properties (not B&B’s),
–speaking engagements at $62,000 per,
–Magnolia Farms and its own apparel line,
-Magnolia Silos,
–Magnolia Villas, a gated subdivision of 37 garden homes in a pocket neighborhood. Chip’s first house flip earned him $30,000 15 years ago. Today he said he invested seven figures for the gated community,
–a new partnership with case goods manufacturer and importer Standard Furniture to create a comprehensive furniture collection called Magnolia Home. Joanna is designing the pieces,
–a bakery,
–Magnolia Market’s online business, ships 700 packages a day, employing 32 people,
–an autobiography due out in Fall 2016,
–a 600 square foot working garden,
–a 40-acre working farm with chickens, goats, cows, turkeys, horses, cats, dogs and bottle calves. Over 60 animals in all,
–craft workshop with tickets costing $100 per,
Chip and Joanna have added more companies, projects, and tasks since 2016 when this list was compiled. This month, the couple announced this month they are expecting a fifth child.
In my 2016 essay about Joanna and her version of motherhood, I called her a hypocrite for saying one thing about motherhood, but doing the opposite. I was slammed for saying so. I can’t relate to you just how slammed I was. I received a torrent of abuse, criticism, and outrage just for pointing out the physical impossibility of actually living according to what they were saying. There are not enough hours in the day for Joanna to do all she needed to do for the companies AND biblically mother her children.
Daryl Austin of USA Today wondered the same thing. In his piece he asked, ‘The Gaines family says they put family first, but do they have time to live it? He listed all Joanna is into work-wise, then said:
That’s all incredible. For anyone else, I would be shouting my admiration from the rooftops. But I see Chip and Joanna differently, because they don’t want to be seen simply as a couple that can do it all. They want to be seen as a couple that can do it all while at the same time making their family their top priority.
This is just not possible, and it does a disservice to the parents who really are putting their children first. No matter how rich and famous, we are all limited by the same 24 hours in a day. You cannot do all they’ve done (or even a fraction of it) and still have any real time left over for family. Frankly, I wonder where they even find the time to brush their teeth, let alone spend quality, one-on-one time with each child daily.
Daryl Austin again:
Unchecked ambition for any of us is a bottomless pit. We live in a world where every social media user compares his worst to everyone else’s best, and mommy bloggers work tirelessly to portray unattainable perfect homes and families. Instead of correcting distorted realities, Chip and Joanna are adding to the problem. Not just in what they say, but also in what they show.
Many of the women above do display an unchecked ambition, distorting what God said a home should be like and turning it into a temple for self-gratification and career fulfillment. They SAY they love being a mom, but what they DO is show us they worship themselves. Many regular women suffer from this distorted reality. It’s confusing, being told that a career of helpmeet and mother is God’s desire if possible, yet seeing unchecked ambition, private jet flights, book tours, and fame as equally desirable- and attainable.
There are thousands and millions of behind-the-scenes Christian moms who are doing exactly what the Bible says to do in their roles. The sad part is that the image of the CEO-busy-divided loyalty-mom is the one that is seen. Their reach and influence has unfortunately normalized the have-it-all working moms’ lifestyle who give lip service to mothering, but in fact are fomenting a distorted reality for real Christian mothers and mothers-to-be.
Today, I wrote of what biblical motherhood isn’t. Tomorrow, the solution: Biblical Motherhood according to Jesus. What it is, why it’s important, and how it’s actually a call to war.
Susannah Spurgeon with her twin boys, Thomas and Charles
the-end-time.org 