Tag: the transformed wife

Posted in theology

Ken Alexander’s messages to me about his wife Lori, The Transformed Wife, @godlywomanhood

Posted on by elizabethprata

By Elizabeth Prata

It’s all because of this article-

Discerning Lori Alexander, “The Transformed Wife” of @Godlywomanhood

When I published that discernment article exposing some major doctrinal and behavioral issues with The Transformed Wife (Lori and Ken Alexander)’s output, there was quite a bit of reaction. One of the reactions was Lori’s husband Ken messaged me on Facebook. I did not solicit nor expect a personal private message, and not from a married man, no less. As you read the correspondence, please keep in mind that I have no relationship with Mr Alexander, personal or spiritual, I did not invite the messaging, and I tried to cut it off, but he breached that boundary of non-consent.

I have the screenshots.

People who message have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Normally I keep messages private and do not publish messages. (Sometimes I ask permission to publish if a reader has offered a really good thought or blog idea, and I publish if yes or no if they say no). However when Ken contacted me again after I’d asked him not to, all bets were off.

As you read this, keep in mind also that he claims identity in Christ as a Godly man.

So here it all is. Explanation at bottom. I refrained from editorializing as much as I could and tried to give you just the facts. You decide. I might have erred in replying. My goal and intent was to try and get him to see the issues and hopefully repent. I tried. Maybe that was my mistake. Again, you decide.

MESSAGE from Ken Alexander. His wife had already blocked me after 1 engagement which she initiated. I believe she blocked me because I’d asked her if she had repented of her false teaching of Pelagianism. Lori never answered that. Neither did Ken when I asked him. I did not solicit this contact. Ken wrote right off the bat that I’m influenced by satan. So much for pleasant contact:

Hi Elizabeth,

After reading your article on Lori I could not recognize my own wife by the time you were done.

I found it interesting that you claim she is unteachable, yet when she makes her position clear on Original Sin in a post you gloss it over as “too little too late.”

We raised four wonderful Children together with strong and reasonable discipline… and they are all secure Believers in Christ with highly successful lives and families of their own. You’re just dead wrong on this idea of “hitting.” It’s spanking and there is very little cold in So Cal. How did you do with your family and kids?

Lori says that some time back you praised her ministry and agreed with her, yet somehow you caught Satan’s whisper and have been quite undiscerning here. You sound like a post from the trolls you are listening to.

She is full of love and grace, but hard hitting because she is goes up against the strong influence of feminism. You are correct that she purposely avoids the teaching the man’s role to keep women focused on what God calls them to do without pointing a finger at their disobedient husband they are called to win.

Lori’s ministry is not perfect, just as you have now proven that yours is not either. But many women write her regularly with wonderful stories of changed lives and marriages, proof that God is using her and blessing her God given wisdom from the Word. We don’t expect everyone to agree with her… even I don’t 100% 🙂. But when you attack one of the few godly women teaching the vital principles of Biblical Womanhood you do a disservice to the advancement of the Kingdom of God. She is teaching things that you and many other women cannot teach because she walks the talk with her life and love of our Jesus.

Thanks for listening and have a great life. Ken

Photo by Eric Prouzet on Unsplash

Ken wrote again before I even saw his 1st message and could reply:

Ken’s MESSAGE

I just read this by you and wonder if the Lord wasn’t telling you something, yet you projected it upon others without careful reflection for the words you just wrote against another sister in Christ?

It’s something to ponder in the Spirit as you asked others to do the same. 🙂

“It is humbling to publicly repent of something done in sin or taught incorrectly in His name. It is humbling to eat crow. But pride should not be so strong that it prevents us from kneeling down and saying “I was wrong. Forgive me.”

 My reply to the above Ken-messages #1 & 2: I wrote-

Lori’s ministry is exactly as I described. The measure of a ministry is not how many people are writing in, but how doctrinally correct it is. She is an obviously troubled woman dwelling in error, and leading many astray. You have your part in that. Your influences such as the Pearls are atrocious, and this error has flowed down into your own ministry to your wife and her errant ministry to women. Her insistence that the Pearls, Partridge, and Gothard are worthy models, and her excuses for lack of sexual boundaries with wives and lack of boundaries in child punishment is appalling. Repent of those things and I’ll listen.

The Pharisees were ‘hard hitting’ too, and they were mostly right on their doctrine but went beyond by adding and adding, and by the guilt (‘millstone’) laid upon the neck of the sheep. You need to repent too for your part in the devastating millstones, and graceless absolutes you teach your wife to lay on women.

As far as the Original Sin controversy, I asked Lori if she has repented of her previous stance that we are not born as sinners but only BECOME sinners when we sin. It was not answered. HAVE you repented of that?

Your statement that Lori is one of “few godly women teaching the vital principles of Biblical Womanhood” is evidence of how skewed your vision has become. Lori is NOT one of the few women teaching this. You are NOT a bulwark. (And she doesn’t even teach it correctly or evenly).

She should look at gracious and doctrinally correct models such as The Women’s Hope Show from The Master’s Seminary, A Word Fitly Spoken podcast (Spreeman & Lesley), Open Hearts in a Closed World online conference and all women associated with that, DebbieLynne Kespert, Susan Heck, and MANY others who believe as you and Lori do, but who have a balanced view of scripture, and a FULL Titus 2:5 wisdom that includes being “sensible, … kind” but are missing from Lori’s online presence.

I have prayed for her and I do hope the Lord will graciously lift the scales from your and her eyes. Something to ponder and I am not being snarky, I am totally grieved over this. Consider, repent, and then we can talk some more. I’m always willing to listen.

Repentance was not forthcoming. Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash.

Ken’s message , replying to my above: [Editor’s Note- Yes their lives ARE an open book. Lori and Ken have kept a blog for 12 years with hundreds of thousands of words written, 6 years’ worth of hours of video, and thousands of tweets. Yes their lives ‘are an open book,’ therefore there’s much material available to evaluate in order to make a solid assessment of their lives.] Ken wrote:

Elisabeth, I have no idea who you are really, but our lives are open book. Your comment “She is an obviously troubled woman dwelling in error, and leading many astray,” is so very far from the truth.

Lori is a woman whose heart is set completely upon the Lord. She has proven herself to her husband and to her family, friends and online friends as a woman of grace, peace, joy and full of the fruits of the Spirit. How can you make such an awful and incorrect assessment of her and expect me to take you seriously?

It’s not going well for me, is it? Photo by Dawin Rizzo on Unsplash

Ken then messaged again before I could reply. By now I’m getting the idea he lacks patience and self-control. Ken’s message -

If you want to dialogue, pick one or two issues you believe she is “so wrong about” that her errors are worthy of you trying to destroy her ministry over… and let’s talk about them. There are no grave errors in her teaching, just a difference of opinion on things we cannot have a definitive answer about.

You cannot prove from the scriptures that woman should be teaching doctrine and theology. WE know for certain it must not be from the pulpit, but where do you get the authority for women to teach other women outside of Titus 2?

So you and Lori disagree on something… that is not grounds to disqualify her God given ministry.

Child discipline… you know nothing about our child discipline but for a few stories from the trolls you disagree with. You are welcome to disagree, but you are not welcome to mischaracterize the facts that you do not possess. There were no freezing children that Christmas morning, and the discipline was appropriate and well received. A story we all laugh about including the kids. Yet you want to portray it as wring and grounds for disqualification of a ministry?

My question to you is why did you lie about what I wrote to you? You attacked Lori on at least 10-12 things and I challenged you on 3 of them. Yet you write on your page that I challenged you on “everything.” That is not true… why tell falsehoods?

The pattern seems clear to me that you are one who God keeps telling you to repent of your attacks on others, show kindness and grace, yet you have done nothing of the kind yourself. Speaking of Pharisees… you might consider talking the log out of your eye before trying to remove the specks from others.

I have not read any of the rest of your stuff, but I understand that you can be ruthless in your writing, betraying your own stated purpose: “Writing ministry of The End Time, by Elizabeth Prata, Exalting name of Jesus through Christian essays.”

Please prayerfully consider the words my Spirit has given for yours. We are all about trying to build up the kingdom of God, and Lori’s ministry will not be perfect… neither yours. But as far as I know we are on the same team Jesus.

‘You’re a ruthless liar’… ‘We build up the kingdom of God’. Bit of a disconnect
.Photo by nega on Unsplash

My reply to Ken’s message . I kept it short thinking he’d said all that needed to be said and I was done too.

Thanks. I ask you to do the same. Have a pleasant day.

(He gave it a thumbs up in reply)

Ken’s message : out of the blue hours later. I had not replied.

Some of the things you write must be a joke: “I wrote about how Lori’s insistence on not teaching anything except home economics from Titus 2 (a stance which, even then, lacks several aspects of the verse, such as kindness, sensibility, reverence, etc).”

Lori has not only taught on all these subjects extensively but she has a book out with a chapter on each one.

You really need to find the Spirit here. I have never heard her equate Titus 2 with Home Economics. Now your just making up lies.

Mark Jay Goebel/Getty Images

Obviously I’d get nowhere with a man who has that little self-respect and that much anger, to think himself a Christian and called me a troll, a liar, a joke, making up lies listening to satan, not walking the walk, so much ad hominem… but not an ounce of self-reflection. I’d had enough: My reply to Ken Message .

Please do not contact me again. And repent of your rough mouth. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements.” Mt 15:19

Photo by Shelter on Unsplash

Ken disrespected my boundary and in a shocking lack of self-control, contacted me again: Ken message :

It’s interesting how often the Spirit gives you thoughts that you should be applying to yourself, yet you ignore them. May He open up your hardened heart to see what you are doing is not glorifying to Him.

I think we are on the same Team Jesus…. I sure hope so.

The line must be drawn here. This far, no further!

My reply to unasked for Ken Message . I knew he’d be looking to see what I’d say so I waited until the little circle showed he had read my reply below, then I blocked him.

“BLOCKED and REPORTED for HARASSMENT”

PS: I tried to find the Facebook information on harassment but had a hard time finding it, and when I finally did and read it, decided his correspondence didn’t rise to the level of harassing. He was just more of an annoyance.

—–end correspondence—–

The reference to the children and the hitting and the cold was a story Lori had published about a Christmas morning when she came downstairs to see her 1, 3, 5, 7 year olds had opened up every single present. She was “so upset” and began hitting her kids with her slipper hard enough to “let them know she was clearly angry”. Running upstairs to Ken he came down and put all of them outside on the porch to them the shutting out of the Garden of Eden, so the 1 year old and the others “could ponder their sin.” Later Ken relished the memory by saying they were ‘so cute all lined up out there.’ Ken and Lori are careful nowadays to say ‘swat’ or ‘spank’ instead of hit or beat. He dislikes when I say “hit”.

Anyway I wanted the messages to be public so it would be transparent, not only his behavior, but mine too. So you can decide. A journalist puts the information out there in the most credible and factual way possible, and so that the reader can make her own assessment.

As a journalist, I am familiar with how people act when their worldview is challenged. I know what happens with some, who, when presented with facts contrary to their long-held opinion, act up. I’m used to people like Ken Alexander.

But the issue is: he is half of the Transformed Wife’s ministry He is an overseer of it, contributing author to it, and ultimate teacher within it. A student will go no higher than his teacher, so, my goal is to present information that clearly shows that the Transformed Wife’s ministry is not healthy. Ken and Lori Alexander should not be followed.

My goal, sole goal, is to present information about this self-stated ‘ministry’ of Lori Alexander, The Transformed Wife, which is partnered by Ken Alexander, that demonstrate that the two of them are to be marked and avoided as false teachers. Their issues, both behavioral and doctrinal, give a clear picture that their material should not be consumed. Stay away.

Posted in theology

Collection of Lori Alexander/The Transformed Wife @godlywomanhood critiques here in one place

Posted on by elizabethprata

By Elizabeth Prata

I do not recommend Lori Alexander, The Transformed Wife’s ministry

The TRUE transformation of a woman from a non-believer to a believer is the most beautiful miracle of our day or any day. The transformation of a justified woman into a Titus 2 woman, whether married or NOT married, whether she has children or NO children, is also a beautiful thing.

I wrote a critique of Lori Alexander The Transformed Wife AKA @godlywomanhood. It seemed needed.

Looking for doctrinally solid, kind, gracious women’s ministries?

After interacting with Lori a few times and having read some of her recent statements, I also wrote several other essays that were rebuttals to things she has taught. They are listed below.

Critiques by Elizabeth Prata-

Main article: Discerning Lori Alexander, The transformed Wife of @godlywomanhood.

Ken Alexander’s messages to me with my replies

During some interactions with Lori (and her husband Ken), I discovered that though it’s one of the Titus 2 mandated qualities, kindness is not in her vocabulary. Also that she is unteachable (lacks humility). Here, I wrote about the importance of women to engage in humble, self-examination-
We All Have a Ministry

Sadly, Lori’s version of biblical womanhood is a Hyper-patriarchy that’s not biblical and not a good example of how to live a godly, womanly life.

Here, I wrote about how in my opinion, How does ‘hyper-patriarchy’ get born?

I wrote about how Lori’s insistence on not teaching anything except home economics from Titus 2 (a stance which, even then, lacks several aspects of the verse, such as kindness, sensibility, reverence, etc) and this has skewed her worldview to an extent that 2 Peter 3:16 warns about-
Balance in our theology is important

Lori and her too-frequent mentions of the marital bed

The historical fact of the “Cult of True Womanhood” – and the cult is still alive and well today

The Cult of Lori Alexander by Daniel Schricker, Ph.D

LORI’S OVERGENERALIZING

Something that Lori Alexander The Transformed Wife often does, is make a statement that is her opinion, and is so broad-brush that it’s actually an overgeneralization, then she argues within the overgeneralization while never providing a source. She overgeneralizes so frequently this has caused me to look into what overgeneralizing is. It is a cognitive issue. I encourage you to spot these when she makes these broad-brush statements.

Here is a 2 tweet thread on it, with a definition of overgeneralizing. “Overgeneralizing is a distorted way of thinking or cognitive distortion which results in wrong or misconstrued assumptions. Often it’s described as making a broad assumption about something without much evidence or data to back up that assumption.” Quote from Be Well Counseling.

Lori makes a statement that is really opinion but disguises it as fact, and never provides a source.

Here is another definition: “Overgeneralizing is a cognitive distortion, or a distorted way of thinking, that results in some pretty significant wrong assumptions.” (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of LA)

Here is a 2-tweet thread I did on Twitter showing an example of a recent overgeneralizing statement Lori made: “Public Schools were created so women could be in the workforce”. No. This is wrong and so easily provable.

I’d also pointed out that Lori misuses statistics, or she doesn’t understand statistics well enough, and presents flawed arguments to make her narrow points. Here, she had said that “25% of women are on anti-depressants” then argued the point based on her misstatement.

In fact, the study from which she got the number said that 25% of women over 60 (Lori’s demographic) are on the drug. Only 10% of women 18-39 (child bearing years) are on it. She’d made an overgeneralization from the misstated statistic then tied in the fact that the reason so many women are on antidepressants is because they don’t submit to their husbands and they work outside the home.

Here, her overgeneralization is that simply asking someone how many kids they’d like is ‘giving into the birth control mentality infecting the country’. There is no possible way Lori knows the mentality of every person who asks that question in the entire country. Then she ties it in to abortion. Big leaps. Unwarranted, and dangerous.

She overgeneralizes and she misuses statistics. Watch out for that.

OTHERS’ Critiques

Bob Jennings at I’ll Be Honest (associated with Paul Washer’s ministry) wrote this in 2010, therefore isn’t a direct critique of Lori Alexander, The Transformed Wife, but it addresses a falsity Lori insists on advising to women: where Lori says women should not go to college and should remain at home till marriage. Here is the article which Mr Jennings addresses this false notion scripturally: Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible

DebbieLynne Kespert on When the Focus is So narrow You Lose Sight
DebbieLynne Kespert on Women Teaching Other Women Theology?

Tim Challies reviewed Debi Pearl’s book Created to be His Help Meet and Michael Pearl’s How to Train Up a Child. His reviews (below) are included here because Lori Alexander The Transformed Wife has said many times it was Debi’s book that was that catalyst for her transformation. She admires these two as spiritual leaders and identifies them as her formative mentors. She quotes them incessantly. Challies was a strong NO on both books:

Challies Review: Created to be His Help Meet
Challies Review: How (Not To) Train Up a Child Part 1
Challies Review: How (Not To) Train Up a Child Part 2

A Ray of Dawn has a blog titled The Transformed Wife is Dangerous and Wrong. She’s got links and screen shots. I liked her point here: “This is my main issue with Lori – she claims men should be leaders, but doesn’t expect them to actually lead in areas of Godliness. Rather, she insists women coddle their husbands regardless of how they behave, which is the opposite of what the Bible says.”

Gina at Where the Wild Bee Wings has a video series critiquing Lori Alexander The Transformed Wife’s teachings (and more videos on The Duggars, IBLP/Gothard, and the Pearls): (Gina is a nice lady and I agreed with these particular videos, but disagree with Gina’s approach to Christianity, i.e. she’s not attending a church, and recently claimed Jesus appeared to her in a vision. But the Lori/Pearls/Duggar videos are wise).

Alexander: False Teaching
Lori Alexander: Conspiracy Theory?
Lori Alexander: Women Going Mad?
The Pearls: Infamous Honeymoon

This Wiki page gives an overall view of Lori’s life in a bio, and highlights that she has made contradictory statements over the years and that some of her personal stories don’t match up. There’s screen shots. Fundamentalist Wiki: Lori Alexander

In that same vein, This blog highlights the many contradictions Lori has said over the years (with screen shots and links).

CONCLUSION

I am grateful in reverse for Lori, because with my brief interaction with her and her material this May and June, has settled me into a conviction that I, and women who minister, need to be KIND. Kindness is mandated in Titus 2:3-5,

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. emphasis mine.

Kindness is in short supply in real life, and online especially. Kindness is a refreshing quality, as of course the other Titus 2 qualities are. In my opinion, Lori is unkind, modeling exactly the thing that DISHONORS Christ within the very verse she camps on for her raison d’etre (reason for being). So for that I’m grateful. Seeing how ugly unkindness is, I can work on my own kindness, and look for it and encourage others when I see it.

I will add other links as I discover them or are forwarded them.

Posted in theology

We all have a ministry

Posted on by elizabethprata

By Elizabeth Prata

The past few days has been involved for me with discerning a false ministry, but one that has a quarter of a million followers. Her impact is huge and the negative reverberations of her well-hidden errors will go on to the undiscerning and naïve. For that I feel prayerfully grief-stricken and have a deep concern for young ladies in this ever-darkening culture over whom they follow and what dark webs they may get caught up in.

One thing that caught my attention that I have been pondering in the calming-down aftermath here in my little corner of the world, is humility and teachability.

The more popular a teacher grows, the more chance there is for him or her to become prideful. It’s just the way of human flesh. God knows this. It is exactly why He said for new believing men not to become leaders, due to the temptation to become conceited-

and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation of the devil. (1 Timothy 3:6).

But the moment people start noticing our ministry is just the moment we need more humility.

So now I can hear the replies in your mind. ‘But I don’t HAVE a ministry!’

My reply to young ladies, married ladies, mothers, older ladies, is that we ALL have a ministry. It might not be codified. It might not have a name. It might not be a 501(c)3. But we do have a ministry.

you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 2:5).

We are all priests, working for His name in the spheres in which He has placed us. No matter if the sphere is large or small, we work for His name, aware that our every move, our entire being, is for His name.

Therefore I exhort you, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a sacrifice—living, holy, and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. (Romans 12:1).

The young unmarried woman is a ministry – by example – of her modesty and chasteness and eagerness to learn. The married woman is a ministry – by example – of her unity with her husband and presentation of her marriage as a parable of what the Gospel is like. The mothers are a ministry – by example – of literally presenting your bodies as a sacrifice of praise to Jesus who knit the baby in your womb. Raising children is a worthy calling for both the mother and father. The older woman is a ministry – by example – of ministering to younger women. Grandchildren. Ladies in church and elsewhere. Our own raising of children may be complete (if the Lord had granted it) but there are others to minister to, encouraging them in the admonition of the Lord and exhorting to share the beauty of Jesus.

We all have work to do. We’re all in a ministry.

Now. I was also thinking of a certain someone in a ministry who said people are accusing her of the following: “I am even being called dangerous, legalistic, ungodly, and a false teacher.” She said people are saying those things of her. She is a person who does have a formal ministry. It has a quarter of a million followers, she’s been interviewed widely, she wields a great deal of influence.

None of that matters. None.

What matters is, are we ministering in such a way that the holy and spotless name of Jesus is being upheld by our teachings and our lifestyle? Ministry is about the outworking of doctrinal truths applied to our lives, in His name, for His name. Are we doing it well?

It does a person good to occasionally review one’s life, one’s ministry, one’s teachings. Are we still on the center line of doctrinal truth? Are we speaking and behaving in such a way that would bring glory to Jesus, or bring reproach to Jesus?

You know, we are told to examine ourselves, more times in the New Testament than we think.

2 Corinthians 13:5 – Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you—unless indeed you fail the test?

Galatians 6:3-4 – For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting, but to himself alone, and not to another.

2 Peter 1:10 – Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choice of you;

1 Corinthians 11:28 – But a person must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup.

Matthew 7:5 – You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye!

If we are told to examine ourselves so much for that variety of reasons, why ignore the fact that we are to examine ourselves when we are doing ministry? No! Let it not be so!

Let us all, those in formal ministry and those who quietly or informally minister, examine ourselves to see that we are doing and saying things that are pleasing to God. If people are saying to us or about us that we’re dangerous, legalistic, ungodly, or a false teacher the question remains: do we love Jesus first or do we love ourselves first? Our entire attention and focus must be on His name. If I am doing anything that is dangerous or false or legalistic, upon hearing such accusations, is my pride such that I never take the charges seriously and go examine myself fairly? Never let it be so!

Pride is the first sin and the most serious. It is the root of all other sins. God speaks in His word many times about pride. Here are a few,

Proverbs 8:13 – The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverted mouth, I hate.

Proverbs 11:2 – When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 16:5 – Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord; Assuredly, he will not be unpunished.

Proverbs 16:18 – Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.

It is humbling to publicly repent of something done in sin or taught incorrectly in His name. It is humbling to eat crow. But pride should not be so strong that it prevents us from kneeling down and saying “I was wrong. Forgive me.”

I’ve seen some public teachers do it. Far from making me think less of them, I think MORE highly of them. I myself have been open about my mistake of following Joel Osteen at the start of my Christian life (before I had a blog, thankfully). Also of my newspaper eisegesis and looking at signs according to the news, early on in my blogging career. I was excited to finally have had all the answers in the Bible as to why the world was the way it was, and I’m not apologetic at that first rush of relief and joy and my worldview shifted so rapidly. But I am thankful the Spirit grew me out of that and I didn’t persist and become wayward in doctrine or hopefully not lead others astray.

If you are receiving congratulations for a job well done in ministry, great, but don’t let it go to your head. If you are receiving charges of falsity or error, stop, take a breath, consider the source, and examine yourself to see if it is so. The spotless name of Jesus is paramount to all we do in ministry, and yes we all have a ministry.

EPrata photo
Posted in theology

How does ‘hyper-patriarchy’ get born?

Posted on by elizabethprata

By Elizabeth Prata

Sarah offering Hagar to Abraham, copperplate engraving, 1804

How does hyper-patriarchy get born? As with any doctrine, intense fixation on one part of a doctrine while ignoring others will throw a believer off balance. This skews discernment. One of two things happens then. When a person is confronted with the biblical facts, they either by grace of God see through the lens of the Bible, and repent; or they double down. The latter is in my opinion due to a process known as “Deception by Investment.”(Phrase not coined by me).

Deception by investment is when a person begins to suspect their favorite teacher is a false teacher, they continue with the deception because they’ve invested so much of their life in them. They’ve invested their reputation. They’ve invested their money. They’d rather persist in deception and suppress the truth rather than admit they were deceived and abandon their investment, opening themselves up to what they see as reputational damage or ridicule.

Hyper patriarchy is an excessive devotion to one part of the patriarchal family system the Bible commands while excluding others. Patriarchy exists. It was the established pattern of faith in the Old Testament (I mean, The Patriarchs! Acts 7:9, Acts 2:29, Hebrews 7:4…) and in today’s life still resounds with the men as leaders and the women as helpmeet. Genesis 2:18 still stands, it hasn’t been erased from the Bible.

Men are called to submit to Jesus, and are called to lead at home. He submits mutually with His wife. But ultimately as on a ship there is only one captain, when it comes to ultimate decisions, the husband decides as the biblically identified leader of the family. The wife submits to her husband, and the children submit to the parents.

In hyper-patriarchy, a person excessively and almost solely focuses on the husband’s leadership, which sadly is often twisted into a husband’s rulership. In some quarters, it is recommended that the wife call her husband ‘lord’. As I said, rulership.

In this false system, proponents ignore or do not teach that the husband graciously submits to Jesus as Jesus submitted to the Father. They ignore or do not teach that marriage is a picture of Jesus and His Bride. They ignore or do not teach that marriage is a parable of the Gospel.

They just keep harping on “the woman submits”, “the woman submits”, “the woman submits”, “the woman submits”, “the woman submits”…

In Genesis 3:1, the serpent focused on one part of God’s command, and twisted it slightly. He didn’t restate what God had said,

“From any tree of the garden you may freely eat; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for on the day that you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2:16).

The serpent asked, (not restated), to Eve, (not Adam),

“Has God really said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1b).

The serpent knew perfectly well what God had said, but he focused on one part- ‘you shall not eat’ rather than ‘you may freely eat.’ People who twist God’s word do the same. After all, they learned from the OG of Falsity.

I wrote recently about balance in our theology. I’d said,

We should absorb the whole counsel of God. We should share the whole counsel of God. In other words, as Christians, we seek balance in our learning. As with anything in life, we strive to be well-rounded.

Balance in our theology is important

Genesis 3:1 says the serpent is the most subtle creature in the garden. He can twist anything good into something false and still make it sound good.

In the end, hyper-patriarchy gets born because someone has an agenda, or they have a personal pet idol based on fleshly desires. They are not interested in the whole counsel of God. In discernment, watch out for people, or systems, or ministries that are hyper-focused on one doctrine. It is these that usually go off the rails first and spectacularly.

Further Reading

3 Ways Marriage Proclaims the Gospel

Tim Challies resoundingly negatively reviews hyperpatriarchy pusher Debi Pearl’s “Created to be His Helpmeet“. And if you know Challies’ reviews, the book has to be a horror show for him to utter anything even a toe into the side of negative.
“Much of Pearl’s counsel is utterly heartless and even that which is not is too often proud and terse and utterly devoid of biblical wisdom. She displays a distinct lack of wisdom.”

Posted in theology

Balance in our theology is important

Posted on by elizabethprata

By Elizabeth Prata

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

My blog is called The End Time not due to eschatology but because we’re IN the end time -the time between Jesus’ ascension and His return – and time is short. I exhort us all to walk worthy and be bold to proclaim the hope that is within us, because the Time is Near.

I love eschatology and I could write about it every day. In fact, when I started this blog, I did write about it most every day. But yes, I enjoy eschatology because His return is the next big event to happen!

Anyway, the Lord grew me from my earliest days of hyper-focus on last things, and I learned about other doctrines. I fell in love with the doctrine of Providence, and I enjoy biblical natural history (flora & fauna of the Bible, agricultural practices, and so on). I love discernment, since the Holy Spirit gave me that spiritual gift, and I like to exercise it, but not to the point that one of my biceps gets bigger than the other. I have to frequently scan my blogs to make sure I’m not narrowing in on one topic too often. This essay is a warning for myself as well.

I first read through all the Old Testament Prophets, then the OT histories and poetic books. I turned to the New Testament and of course, Revelation, an apocalyptic book. When that the first pass of reading the Bible initially was concluded, I now choose Bible reading plans that bounce daily between the OT and the NT.

Our preaching elders preach a book of the New Testament then a book of the old.

We should absorb the whole counsel of God. We should share the whole counsel of God.

In other words, as Christians, we seek balance in our learning. As with anything in life, we strive to be well-rounded.

That’s not to say that we don’t have favorite doctrines, or are well known for having a teaching niche. RC Sproul was known for holiness and philosophy. Phil Johnson is known for his expertise on the Psalms. Alistair Begg is known for being an expert on, well, The Beatles. You knew that was coming! lol.

I’ve noticed that some who have a social media presence and large followings who excessively focus on one doctrine above all others, who make their blog be about only that, or tweet about only that, or who speak about only that. These people tend to drift away from balance and become unbalanced.

Would you enjoy sitting under a preacher who only ever preaches on tithing and money? Or follow a person who only ever urged female submission? ‘Trump bad’ or ‘John MacArthur bad’ is a message from some who never seem to tire of harping on their pet one-and-only topic, but it sadly displays a narrowing of their theological arteries.

Omissions are just as imbalanced as hyper-focus. If your preacher never speaks of the wrath, or of sin, or of the Old Testament, that is not a well-rounded pastor. Of course, a person might know of these topics, but a failure to continue learning about them is part of the problem of drifting toward imbalance.

It’s not just the individual who falls into myopia. The pendulum swing in the global church results in imbalance too. It swings from one extreme to another. The Charismatic movement arose as a reaction against dead orthodoxy theology. The Sonship movement arose as a pushback against an impersonal theology.

Overemphasis in the reaction causes overshadowing of other teachings, to the point almost of neglect in seminaries or in lots of churches in one era.

Theologian Carl Trueman spoke of the importance of balance:

[T]he need for balance is absolutely crucial if the church is to witness God’s truth to the world, and a failure to speak the whole counsel of God is a critical weakness in our testimony as Christians.

He was talking about the need for an equal mental attention to systematic theology and biblical theology, but we take his point.

In the 1970-80s, eschatology was IN. A whole generation of people grew up with Left Behind, Hell Houses at Halloween, and even music on the topic (I Wish We’d All Been Ready).

By the 1990-2000s, eschatology was OUT. Seminaries didn’t focus on it too much, which resulted in a host of graduates for a generation with little attention paid to the subject. In the 2020’s eschatology is back, but not the dispensational flavor, but amillennial.

Theological myopia sets in. Neglect of the whole counsel of God stirs a narrowing of your worldview, which soon enough, views ONLY your pet doctrine or theory. Don’t let that happen to you.

How to stop hyper-focus from happening?

BIBLE READING

What can help us keep our theology balanced? Of course, the Bible, first and foremost. Read it widely. Read it frequently. The more grounded in the Word you are the more you will stand upon solid ground. If not, you’ll end up cherry picking verses out of context that you want to support your pet theory in conversation (or papers, or tweets). Choose a balanced Bible Reading Plan.

ABSORB A VARIETY OF MATERIAL FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE

Apart from your own pastor each week, I’m sure you listen to sermons and podcasts online. Listen to a few different ones. I listen to both women and men, cultural issues oriented and theology oriented. I listen to a variety of preachers; some of them are from today and some are from long ago. I read books on different topics, not just the one or two topics I especially enjoy. I am sensitive to the guidance of the Spirit when I’m reading the Bible for new topics to follow up on. Lately I’ve followed up on a couple chapters in Romans (sin AKA Hamartiology) and the Blood of Christ. Absorb material from different eras. I enjoy current magazines but also pamphlets from the past, from the 1800s all the way down to Augustine.

PRAYER

In my discipling of younger women, I always tell them to seek the Holy Spirit in prayer. It’s a common refrain from me, but it’s a truism. His ministry is to point us to truth. He is the Illuminator. He convicts of sin. He keeps our heart aligned with God’s affections and our mind transforming every day. He is our greatest resource! Ask Him to keep you balanced. Ask Him to help you find appropriate middle ground.

SOCIAL MEDIA

If you engage on social media through blogs, tweets, Instagram, or other, look over what you have produced lately to see if you’re drifting into a narrowing. Scan backward and get an idea of the flavors of your output. There is a difference between following up on a topic deeply for a while, and succumbing to a rut where that is all you ever think about, pray about, write about. Social media is a conversation but it is also a chronicle. It can be your own keeper of your recent interests. Check it to see how you’re doing!

We can all pray for what martyr Jim Elliot sought:

Lord, give me firmness without hardness, steadfastness without dogmatism, and love without weakness.”

Jim Elliot, quoted in The Berean Call, Bend, Oregon, March 1997